It's Never Okay
So earlier today I shared some pictures from a procedure I had done at Trilogy Med Spa in Midvale - one of the BEST decisions I've made. It’s something I’ve known I wanted to do for a long time but haven’t had the nerve. Until this week. At the recommendation and encouragement of some friends. And of course me. I couldn't be happier with the results so far, love Roxi, but that's not what this entry is meant to be about.
Anyway, this blog entry is NOT to talk about the procedure. At all. Its about what happened after the post.
Basically, for those who missed the drama, someone messaged me privately after the post and told me I was "insecure, always poking around my face and unhappy with my body, and would be an awful example had I had girls of my own." That's it in a nutshell.
I feel I’m pretty strong. I’m fairly confident. But on that same note I’ve always wore my heart on my sleeve, so as hard as I tried to not let the message get under my skin, it did. I don’t know her at all. I’ve never spoken with her, and honestly, I don’t think we’ve had any communication whatsoever prior to her cruel message.
I’m not second-guessing my motive for putting up the post on IG. I’m also not regretting having my lips filled or Botox done. Not at all. I’m not regretting sharing my experience either. I know my intentions, and they were not malicious, vane, to get attention, or to encourage young girls to follow my lead. Not at all.
My motive was simple – to share my experience – understanding it is MY body and MY decision and explain what the process was like for those who are also wondering but don't know who to ask. I am 46 years old. I never even thought I would be considering Botox or injections 10 years ago. I know I've shared that story before too. I remember when I first got on social media a doctor reached out to me and encouraged me to get a bunch of stuff done. I quickly turned him down and told him there was no way I’d do xyz (whatever it was). It’s amazing how much perspective can change in 10 years. It’s amazing how much I AGED in 10 years. 😊 I have seen such a huge transformation in just the last couple of years alone. And I know I can’t beat time, but I might as well try to slow it down. If I can. As it makes sense. And knowing this is ME deciding for me.
Side Note...As for those who are younger following me – whether you be in your 20's, teens, or whatever. Know that we are each uniquely beautiful. I know that we each have things that we wish were different. I am not by any means encouraging you to rush out and make drastic changes. But that is totally up to you. Personally, I hope you don’t. You have your youth and your own perfect young still developing body. But again, that’s up to you. I can't stop you, but I don't want to encourage you either. When I was in my 20s the only thing I really thought about doing (other than eating myself in to a size 16) was plucking my eyebrows, and I didn't even start that until my way younger sis told me I needed to. True story.
But that’s not what this blog entry is meant to be about either. It’s about when enough is enough. Since when is it right for someone to judge another? When is it okay for a woman to put another woman down? When is it okay to say hurtful degrading hurtful things? The answer is simple. Never.
It’s never okay. It’s never acceptable. It does nothing good. It only ends in hurt feelings. And if also creates even more of a barrier that so many of us women put up anyway. We are all familiar with caddiness (and yes, I know that’s not how you spell it, but I never can remember the right way). I am so over it. That is so not me, and so not what I am about. And when I have found myself being caddy, I hate the way it makes me feel. It’s awful. I don’t like it. Period.
But back to the judging. She was condemning me for Botox and lip fillers – because to her obviously that was too much. But let’s take it a step further. What about people who have their hair done? Bleached? Dyed? Hair extensions? Lashes? Fake tans? Perfectly contoured makeup? The latest fashions? Teeth whiteners? Fake nails? Fake boobs? I could go on and on… where do you draw the line? What is okay and what isn’t? Who decides? BTW I am fond of all the above.
I’d be interested to get in her head and hear what she thinks because it’s obvious to me she has a line drawn.
Honestly the more I think about it the more I believe it’s up to each of us. Its our own personal decision on what is acceptable and what isn’t…or what we want to do and what we don’t want to do. And what we feel is okay for us might not be okay for another. And vice a versa.
I have tattoos. Some people hate them. But condemn me for them? In this day and age I’d be surprised if someone judged my character based on a few tattoos. I would hope not at least.
As a woman I hope to share and educate. And I hope to learn the same from you too. It’s each of our opportunities (not responsibility because it IS a choice) to support, embrace, love, and lift one another up. If that sounds too soft for you, then that’s fine. I’ve always been idealistic and looked through rose-colored glasses. I’d rather be that way than the opposite.
What that lady did earlier was not okay. It didn’t’ help anyone. She didn’t teach me a lesson. She didn’t make me take down my post. She didn’t cause me to contemplate my role as a mom. She hurt my feelings, but that is it. And she’ll get hers eventually because I also believe we get back what we put out. Call it karma or whatever you want.
I don’t like mean-spirited people, and I definitely don’t like seeing women bring other women down. It’s not okay. It’s never okay. We are so much stronger when we are in this together. And in this meaning supporting each other.
Oh and by the way, I turned off social earlier. I haven’t read the hundreds of messages that have been posted. Thank you to everyone who has taken time to "lift" me up. It's not unnoticed. I feel your support, and I welcome your comments, and your love. THAT's what we women have the opportunity to do - each and every day. I will read them. Each and every one. But in the moments after I read that nasty message, I did what any rational woman would do. I turned off my phone and went shopping.